I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
