I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
