direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
