I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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