Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
