I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize