i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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