i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
