please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
