all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
