You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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