dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
