I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
