Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
