If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
