The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
