What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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