if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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