I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
