i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
