her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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