I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
