dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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