I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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