It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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