he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
