I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
