we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
