New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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