I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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