she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
