I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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