Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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