I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
