Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just high enough for therapy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
