guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
