All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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