You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
