Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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