Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
