Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
