My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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