Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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