Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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