so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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