I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
