I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
