Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
