I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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