Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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