he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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