I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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